self confidence crisis

This time, I feel like the biggest looser on earth. like a talent-less girl, who try to show the world that she was better in some way. Trying so hard, till there's an opportunity to show it, finally. But, foolishly just throw it away. I try to do my best, but when the final time was coming. I can't present my damn best show. it was very difficult, hurt and sad. I can't even find the right word to describe my feeling. I'm the biggest disappointments of all.
I can't even make my mom and my sis proud of me, only a simple fucking thing, such as being a good daughter, a good sis for her, I can't even take it.
Maybe struggling with your own heart it's not the way to solve your problems. But I don't know, my life just all falling apart. Everything just the worst of all. I'm dissapointing my teacher, friends, and all people around me. shit.I'm feeling very low, this is the lowest point of all, I can't take it anymore. I'm tired of feeling bad. I'm tired become the looser. But no matter how hard I take, I never satisfied. I'm tired, of everything that I can't handle. I just want to go far away, and never come back. I'm a useless girl.

Am I that bad? why I always think that people underestimated me, but GOD, why don't You give me a chance to show it, to show the talent that You gave me. which were hiding, in some corner of my brain.
Where are you ? I'm feeling lonely, confuse, just the worst.
Why I'm feeling empty. What I should do ? Instead being such a stupid-useless-girl.
Why you let everyone underestimated me? Why you give such a space for my brain to think, that You never here for me, why you make me farther away from You. I have no other daddy, to take care of me. Don't leave me alone, just stay with me, and let me feel it.

that's all.