Jealousy

hmm, JEALOUSY .
Is that the right words for this kind of a feelings. ? I have no idea.
Just when I saw the things around them, it's too beautiful to be mine.
My pity, dark, bored, and full of sadness life. I don't have that huge happy family, I don't have that SMILE at school, and I feel that I don't have that much friend at school, I'm not that "brainy" student or an over achiever. Isn't that so sad ? to be gloomy like me? Well maybe I don't see the sunny part of my life. Because the last time I have it, it was so long time ago. Yesterday at mt niece house, was a beautiful memories. But I don't know.. Everything just so, depressing. I am one of them. One, of the "Indonesian" fellas. But we are a minority around here, but why.. we are so much differences.
It's kind like a feeling that, full of a question. Why...why..why..
Like, WHY I don't have a huge happy family?
WHY my life so gloomy ?
WHY I'm not that happy ?
WHY I'm not that brainy ?
WHY I don't have skill ?
WHY I disappointing my mama ?

Where is the answer ?

Gosh! jealousy.. It's a sin right ?
Now, I have a HUGE SIN at my heart, want something that not belong to me or maybe not fit for me.
This feeling so disturbing, it don't means I wanna take that from them. NO that's not it.
It's not that geek JEALOUSY .
Just feel so poor right now.
And right now, I just wanna fade away...