total, BLANK !

CRAP ! freakin' tired!
what should I be? there's no one knows.
except GOD . yeah, I'm total tired ! with every expectation from all of the people,
They just can't accept me, the way I am !
mom, come on ! you've seen my result test, and you still force me ?
I'm stressed up ! you know? could you realize that ? crap!
Pleaseee, GOD .. Help me. what should I do ?
Give an answer. So, I won't hesitated my self . It's been long enough for me to wait.
what you want me to do ? I'll try my best ! and what the hell happen?
I just can't afford it anymore., And no one beside me !
I'm all alone ! And for a thousand more times, I like to say. I'm in the middle of nowhere !

What should I do ? I'm total confused !
What everyone said, it just total different with my heart !
gosh, I'm trying.. I'm questioning !!
And the answer it's still freakin' NO!!!!

I'm all alone, still looking for the answer!
I'm begging the answer, and what I got? NOTHING ~
I don't know what my next step !
I don't know who'll understand me.

And now, I think I'm a gloomy girl.
full with sadness and hesitation ! total weird and brainless.
CRAP! I don't want to be like that!
I want to be a better person. But I don't where to start!!!
total blank ! and absolutely need a help.